new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第30部分

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Bells。　Billy　knows　what's　best　
for　Jake。　He'll　be　up　and　around　soon　enough。　Be　patient。〃　
I　didn't　push　it。　Charlie　was　too　worried　about　Harry。　That　was　clearly　the　
more　important　issue—it　
wouldn't　be　right　to　bug　him　with　my　lesser　concerns。　Instead；　I　went　straight　
upstairs　and　turned　on　my　
puter。　I　found　a　medical　site　online　and　typed　〃mononucleosis〃　into　the　
search　box。　
All　I　knew　about　mono　was　that　you　were　supposed　to　get　it　from　kissing；　which　
was　clearly　not　the　case　
with　Jake。　I　read　through　the　symptoms　quickly—the　fever　he　definitely　had；　
but　what　about　the　rest　of　
it？　No　horrible　sore　throat；　no　exhaustion；　no　headaches；　at　least　not　before　
he'd　gone　home　from　the　
movie；　he'd　said　he　felt　〃fit　as　a　fiddle。〃　Did　it　really　e　on　so　fast？　The　
article　made　it　sound　like　the　
sore　stuff　showed　up　first。　
I　glared　at　the　puter　screen　and　wondered　why；　exactly；　I　was　doing　this。　
Why　did　I　feel　so　so　
suspicious；　like　I　didn't　believe　Billy's　story？　Why　would　Billy　lie　to　Harry？　
I　was　being　silly；　probably。　I　was　just　worried；　and；　to　be　honest；　I　was　
afraid　of　not　being　allowed　to　see　
Jacob—that　made　me　nervous。　
I　skimmed　through　the　rest　of　the　article；　looking　for　more　information。　I　
stopped　when　I　got　to　the　part　
about　how　mono　could　last　more　than　a　month。　
A　month？　My　mouth　fell　open。　
But　Billy　couldn't　enforce　the　no…visitors　thing　that　long。　Of　course　not。　
Jake　would　go　crazy　stuck　in　bed　
that　long　without　anyone　to　talk　to。　
What　was　Billy　afraid　of；　anyway？　The　article　said　that　a　person　with　mono　
needed　to　avoid　physical　
activity；　but　there　was　nothing　about　visitors。　The　disease　wasn't　very　
infectious。　
I'd　give　Billy　a　week；　I　decided；　before　I　got　pushy。　A　week　was　generous。　
A　week　was　long。　By　Wednesday；　I　was　sure　I　wasn't　going　to　live　till　
Saturday。　
When　I'd　decided　to　leave　Billy　and　Jacob　alone　for　a　week；　I　hadn't　really　
believed　that　Jacob　would　go　
along　with　Billy's　rule。　Every　day　when　I　got　home　from　school；　I　ran　to　the　
phone　to　check　for　
messages。　There　never　were　any。　
I　cheated　three　times　by　trying　to　call　him；　but　the　phone　lines　still　weren't　
working。　
I　was　in　the　house　much　too　much；　and　much　too　alone。　Without　Jacob；　and　my　
adrenaline　and　my　
distractions；　everything　I'd　been　repressing　started　creeping　up　on　me。　The　
dreams　got　hard　again。　I　
could　no　longer　see　the　end　ing。　Just　the　horrible　nothingness—half　the　
time　in　the　forest；　half　the　time　
in　the　empty　fern　sea　where　the　white　house　no　longer　existed。　Sometimes　Sam　
Uley　was　there　in　the　
forest；　watching　me　again。　I　paid　him　no　attention—there　was　no　fort　in　
his　presence；　it　made　me　feel　
no　less　alone。　It　didn't　stop　me　from　screaming　myself　awake；　night　after　
night。　
The　hole　in　my　chest　was　worse　than　ever。　I'd　thought　that　I'd　been　getting　it　
under　control；　but　I　found　
myself　hunched　over；　day　after　day；　clutching　my　sides　together　and　gasping　
for　air。　
I　wasn't　handling　alone　well。　
I　was　relieved　beyond　measure　the　morning　I　woke　up—screaming；　of　course—and　
remembered　that　it　
was　Saturday。　Today　I　could　call　Jacob。　And　if　the　phone　lines　still　weren't　
working；　then　I　was　going　to　
La　Push。　One　way　or　another；　today　would　be　better　than　the　last　lonely　week。　
I　dialed；　and　then　waited　without　high　expectations。　
It　caught　me　off　guard　when　Billy　answered　on　the　second　ring。　
〃Hello？〃　
〃Oh；　hey；　the　phone　is　working　again！　Hi；　Billy。　It's　Bella。　I　was　just　
calling　to　see　how　Jacob　is　doing。　Is　
he　up　for　visitors　yet？　I　was　thinking　about　dropping　by—〃　
〃I'm　sorry；　Bella；〃　Billy　interrupted；　and　I　wondered　if　he　were　watching　TV；　
he　sounded　distracted。　
〃He's　not　in。〃　
〃Oh。〃　It　took　me　a　second。　〃So　he's　feeling　better　then？〃　
〃Yeah；〃　Billy　hesitated　for　an　instant　too　long。　〃Turns　out　it　wasn't　mono　
after　all。　Just　some　other　virus。〃　
〃Oh。　So　where　is　he？〃　
〃He's　giving　some　friends　a　ride　up　to　Port　Angeles—I　think　they　were　going　
to　catch　a　double　feature　or　
something。　He's　gone　for　the　whole　day。〃　
〃Well；　that's　a　relief。　I've　been　so　worried。　I'm　glad　he　felt　good　enough　to　
get　out。〃　My　voice　sounded　
horribly　phony　as　I　babbled　on。　
Jacob　was　better；　but　not　well　enough　to　call　me。　He　was　out　with　friends。　I　
was　sitting　home；　missing　
him　more　every　hour。　I　was　lonely；　worried；　bored　perforated—and　now　also　
desolate　as　I　realized　
that　the　week　apart　had　not　had　the　same　effect　on　him。　
〃Is　there　anything　in　particular　you　wanted？〃　Billy　asked　politely。　
〃No；　not　really。〃　
〃Well；　I'll　tell　him　that　you　called；〃　Billy　promised。　〃Bye；　Bella。〃　
〃Bye；〃　I　replied；　but　he'd　already　hung　up。　
I　stood　for　a　moment　with　the　phone　still　in　my　hand。　
Jacob　must　have　changed　his　mind；　just　like　I'd　feared。　He　was　going　to　take　
my　advice　and　not　waste　
any　more　time　on　someone　who　couldn't　return　his　feelings。　I　felt　the　blood　
run　out　of　my　face。　
〃Something　wrong？〃　Charlie　asked　as　he　came　down　the　stairs。　
〃No；〃　I　lied；　hanging　up　the　phone。　〃Billy　says　Jacob　is　feeling　better。　It　
wasn't　mono。　So　that's　good。〃　
〃Is　he　ing　here；　or　are　you　going　there？〃　Charlie　asked　absentmindedly　as　
he　started　poking　through　
the　fridge。　
〃Neither；〃　I　admitted。　〃He's　going　out　with　some　other　friends。〃　
The　tone　of　my　voice　finally　caught　Charlie's　attention。　He　looked　up　at　me　
with　sudden　alarm；　his　hands　
frozen　around　a　package　of　cheese　slices。　
〃Isn't　it　a　little　early　for　lunch？〃　I　asked　as　lightly　as　I　could　manage；　
trying　to　distract　him。　
〃No；　I'm　just　packing　something　to　take　out　to　the　river〃　
〃Oh；　fishing　today？〃　
〃Well；　Harry　called　and　it's　not　raining。〃　He　was　creating　a　stack　of　food　
on　the　counter　as　he　spoke。　
Suddenly　he　looked　up　again　as　if　he'd　just　realized　something。　〃Say；　did　you　
want　me　to　stay　with　you；　
since　Jake's　out？〃　
〃That's　okay；　Dad；〃　I　said；　working　to　sound　indifferent。　〃The　fish　bite　
better　when　the　weather's　nice。〃　
He　stared　at　me；　indecision　clear　on　his　face。　I　knew　that　he　was　worrying；　
afraid　to　leave　me　alone；　in　
case　I　got　〃mopey〃　again。　
〃Seriously；　Dad。　I　think　I'll　call　Jessica；〃　I　fibbed　quickly。　I'd　rather　be　
alone　than　have　him　watching　me　
all　day。　〃We　have　a　Calculus　test　to　study　for。　I　could　use　her　help。〃　That　
part　was　true。　But　I'd　have　to　
make　do　without　it。　
〃That's　a　good　idea。　You've　been　spending　so　much　time　with　Jacob；　your　other　
friends　are　going　to　think　
you've　forgotten　them。〃　
I　smiled　and　nodded　as　if　I　cared　what　my　other　friends　thought。　
Charlie　started　to　turn；　but　then　spun　back　with　a　worried　expression。　〃Hey；　
you'll　study　here　or　at　Jess's；　
right？〃　
〃Sure；　where　else？〃　
〃Well；　it's　just　that　I　want　you　to　be　careful　to　stay　out　of　the　woods；　like　
I　told　you　before。〃　
It　took　me　a　minute　to　understand；　distracted　as　I　was。　〃More　bear　trouble？〃　
Charlie　nodded；　frowning。　〃We've　got　a　missing　hiker—the　rangers　found　his　
camp　early　this　morning；　
but　no　sign　of　him。　There　were　some　really　big　animal　prints　of　course　those　
could　have　e　later；　
smelling　the　food　Anyway；　they're　setting　traps　for　it　now。〃　
〃Oh；〃　I　said　vaguely。　I　wasn't　really　listening　to　his　warnings；　I　was　much　
more　upset　by　the　situation　with　
Jacob　than　by　the　possibility　of　being　eaten　by　a　bear。　
I　was　glad　that　Charlie　was　in　a　hurry。　He　didn't　wait　for　me　to　call　Jessica；　
so　I　didn't　have　to　put　on　that　
charade。　I　went　through　the　motions　of　gathering　my　school…books　on　the　
kitchen　table　to　pack　them　in　
my　bag；　that　was　probably　too　much；　and　if　he　hadn't　been　eager　to　hit　the　
holes；　it　might　have　made　him　
suspicious。　
I　was　so　busy　looking　busy　that　the　ferociously　empty　day　ahead　didn't　really　
crash　down　on　me　until　
after　I'd　watched　him　drive　away。　It　only　took　about　two　minutes　of　staring　at　
the　silent　kitchen　phone　to　
decide　that　I　wasn't　staying　home　today。　I　considered　my　options。　
I　wasn't　going　to　call　Jessica。　As　far　as　I　could　tell；　Jessica　had　crossed　
over　to　the　dark　side。　
I　could　drive　to　La　Push　and　get　my　motorcycle—an　appealing　thought　but　for　
one　minor　problem：　who　
was　going　to　drive　me　to　the　emergency　room　if　I　needed　it　afterward？　
Or　I　already　had　our　map　and　pass　in　the　truck。　I　was　pretty　sure　I　
understood　the　process　well　
enough　by　now　that　I　wouldn't　get　lost。　Maybe　I　could　eliminate　two　lines　
today；　putting　us　ahead　of　
schedule　for　whenever　Jacob　decided　to　honor　me　with　his　presence　again。　I　
refused　to　think　about　how　
long　that　might　be。　Or　if　it　was　going　to　be　never。　
I　felt　a　brief　twinge　of　guilt　as　I　realized　how　Charlie　would　feel　about　
this；　but　I　ignored　it。　I　just　couldn't　
stay　in　the　house　again　today。　
A　few　minutes　later　I　was　on　the　familiar　dirt　road　that　led　to　nowhere　in　
particular。　I　had　the　windows　
rolled　down　and　I　drove　as　fast　as　was　healthy　for　my　truck；　trying　to　enjoy　
the　wind　against　my　face。　It　
was　cloudy；　but　almost　dry—a　very　nice　day；　for　Forks。　
Getting　started　took　me　longer　than　it　would　have　taken　Jacob。　After　I　parked　
in　the　usual　spot；　I　had　to　
spend　a　good　fifteen　minutes　studying　the　little　needle　on　the　pass　face　
and　the　markings　on　the　now　
worn　map。　When　I　was　reasonably　certain　that　I　was　following　the　right　line　of　
the　web；　I　set　off　into　the　
woods。　
The　forest　was　full　of　life　today；　all　the　little　creatures　enjoying　the　
momentary　dryness。　Somehow；　
though；　even　with　the　birds　chirping　and　cawing；　the　insects　buzzing　noisily　
around　my　head；　and　the　
occasional　scurry　of　the　field　mice　through　the　shrubs；　the　forest　seemed　
creepier　today；　it　reminded　me　
of　my　most　recent　nightmare。　I　knew　it　was　just　because　I　was　alone；　missing　
Jacob's　carefree　whistle　
and　the　sound　of　another　pair　of　feet　squishing　across　the　damp　ground。　
The　sense　of　unease　grew　stronger　the　deeper　I　got　into　the　trees。　Breathing　
started　to　get　more　
difficult—not　because　of　exertion；　but　because　I　was　having　trouble　with　the　
stupid　hole　in　my　chest　
again。　I　kept　my　arms　tight　around　my　torso　and　tried　to　banish　the　ache　from　
my　thoughts。　I　almost　
turned　around；　but　I　hated　to　waste　the　effort　I'd　already　expended。　
The　rhythm　of　my　footsteps　sta