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第9部分

new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第9部分

小说: new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版) 字数: 每页4000字

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myself—I could live with 
that。 
Or going away。 Maybe he wouldn't want to wait till the end of the school year; 
maybe it would have to 
be now。 
In front of me; on the table; my presents from Charlie and Renee were where I 
had left them; the camera 
I hadn't had the chance to use at the Cullens' sitting beside the album。 I 
touched the pretty cover of the 
scrapbook my mother had given me; and sighed; thinking of Renee。 Somehow; 
living without her for as 
long as I had did not make the idea of a more permanent separation easier。 And 
Charlie would be left all 
alone here; abandoned。 They would both be so hurt 
But we'd e back; right? We'd visit; of course; wouldn't we? 
I couldn't be certain about the answer to that。 
I leaned my cheek against my knee; staring at the physical tokens of my 
parents' love。 I'd known this path 
I'd chosen was going to be hard。 And; after all; I was thinking about the 
worst…case scenario—the very 
worst I could live through。 
I touched the scrapbook again; flipping the front cover over。 Little metal 
corners were already in place to 
hold the first picture。 It wasn't a half…bad idea; to make some record of my 
life here。 I felt a strange urge 
to get started。 Maybe I didn't have that long left in Forks。 
I toyed with the wrist strap on the camera; wondering about the first picture 
on the roll。 Could it possibly 
turn out anything close to the original? I doubted it。 But he didn't seem 
worried that it would be blank。 I 
chuckled to myself; thinking of his carefree laughter last night。 The chuckle 
died away。 So much had 
changed; and so abruptly。 It made me feel a little bit dizzy; like I was 
standing on an edge; a precipice 
somewhere much too high。 
I didn't want to think about that anymore。 I grabbed the camera and headed up 
the stairs。 
My room hadn't really changed all that much in the seventeen years since my 
mother had been here。 The 
walls were still light blue; the same yellowed lace curtains hung in front of 
the window。 There was a bed; 
rather than a crib; but she would recognize the quilt draped untidily over the 
top—it had been a gift ROM 
Gran。 
Regardless; I snapped a picture of my room。 There wasn't much else I could do 
tonight—it was too dark 
outside—and the feeling was growing stronger; it was almost a pulsion now。 
I would record 
everything about Forks before I had to leave it。 
Change was ing。 I could feel it。 It wasn't a pleasant prospect; not when 
life was perfect the way it 
was。 
I took my time ing back down the stairs; camera in hand; trying to ignore 
the butterflies in my 
stomach as I thought of the strange distance I didn't want to see in Edward's 
eyes。 He would get over 
this。 Probably he was worried that I would be upset when he asked me to leave。 
I would let him work 
through it without meddling。 And I would be prepared when he asked。 
I had the camera ready as I leaned around the corner; being sneaky。 I was sure 
there was no chance that 
I had caught Edward by surprise; but he didn't look up。 I felt a brief shiver 
as something icy twisted in my 
stomach; I ignored that and took the picture。 
They both looked at me then。 Charlie frowned。 Edward's face was empty; 
expressionless。 
〃What are you doing; Bella?〃 Charlie plained。 
〃Oh; e on。〃 I pretended to smile as I went to sit on the floor in front of 
the sofa where Charlie 
lounged。 〃You know Mom will be calling soon to ask if I'm using my presents。 I 
have to get to work 
before she can get her feelings hurt。〃 
〃Why are you taking pictures of me; though?〃 he grumbled。 
〃Because you're so handsome;〃 I replied; keeping it light。 〃And because; since 
you bought the camera; 
you're obligated to be one of my subjects。〃 
He mumbled something unintelligible。 
〃Hey; Edward;〃 I said with admirable indifference。 〃Take one of me and my dad 
together。〃 
I threw the camera toward him; carefully avoiding his eyes; and knelt beside 
the arm of the sofa where 
Charlie's face was。 Charlie sighed。 
〃You need to smile; Bella;〃 Edward murmured。 
I did my best; and the camera flashed。 
〃Let me take one of you kids;〃 Charlie suggested。 I knew he was just trying to 
shift the camera's focus 
fromhimself。 
Edward stood and lightly tossed him the camera。 
I went to stand beside Edward; and the arrangement felt formal and strange to 
me。 He put one hand 
lightly on my shoulder; and I wrapped my arm more securely around his waist。 I 
wanted to look at his 
face; but I was afraid to。 
〃Smile; Bella;〃 Charlie reminded me again。 
I took a deep breath and smiled。 The flash blinded me。 
〃Enough pictures for tonight;〃 Charlie said then; shoving the camera into a 
crevice of the sofa cushions 
and rolling over it。 〃You don't have to use the whole roll now。〃 
Edward dropped his hand from my shoulder and twisted casually out of my arm。 
He sat back down in 
the armchair。 
I hesitated; and then went to sit against the sofa again。 I was suddenly so 
frightened that my hands were 
shaking。 I pressed them into my stomach to hide them; put my chin on my knees 
and stared at the TV 
screen in front of me; seeing nothing。 
When the show ended; I hadn't moved an inch。 Out of the corner of my eye; I 
saw Edward stand。 
〃I'd better get home;〃 he said。 
Charlie didn't look up from the mercial。 〃See ya。〃 
I got awkwardly to my feet—I was stiff from sitting so still—and followed 
Edward out the front door。 He 
went straight to his car。 
〃Will you stay?〃 I asked; no hope in my voice。 
I expected his answer; so it didn't hurt as much。 
〃Not tonight。〃 
I didn't ask for a reason。 
He got in his car and drove away while I stood there; unmoving。 I barely 
noticed that it was raining。 I 
waited; without knowing what I waited for; until the door opened behind me。 
〃Bella; what are you doing?〃 Charlie asked; surprised to see me standing there 
alone and dripping。 
〃Nothing。〃 I turned and trudged back to the house。 
It was a long night; with little in the way of rest。 
I got up as soon as there was a faint light outside my window。 I dressed for 
school mechanically; waiting 
for the clouds to brighten。 When I had eaten a bowl of cereal; I decided that 
it was light enough for 
pictures。 I took one of my truck; and then the front of the house。 I turned 
and snapped a few of the forest 
by Charlie's house。 Funny how it didn't seem sinister like it used to。 I 
realized I would miss this—the 
green; the timelessness; the mystery of the woods。 All of it。 
I put the camera in my school bag before I left。 I tried to concentrate on my 
new project rather than the 
fact that Edward apparently hadn't gotten over things during the night。 
Along with the fear; I was beginning to feel impatience。 How long could this 
last? 
It lasted through the morning。 He walked silently beside me; never seeming to 
actually look at me。 I tried 
to concentrate on my classes; but not even English could hold my attention。 
Mr。 Berty had to repeat his 
question about Lady Capulet twice before I realized he was talking to me。 
Edward whispered the correct 
answer under his breath and then went back to ignoring me。 
At lunch; the silence continued。 I felt like I was going to start screaming at 
any moment; so; to distract 
myself; I leaned across the table's invisible line and spoke to Jessica。 
〃Hey; Jess?〃 
〃What's up; Bella?〃 
〃Could you do me a favor?〃 I asked; reaching into my bag。 〃My mom wants me to 
get some pictures of 
my friends for a scrapbook。 So; take some pictures of everybody; okay?〃 
I handed her the camera。 
〃Sure;〃 she said; grinning; and turned to snap a candid shot of Mike with his 
mouth full。 
A predictable picture war ensued。 I watched them hand the camera around the 
table; giggling and flirting 
and plaining about being on film。 It seemed strangely childish。 Maybe I 
just wasn't in the mood for 
normal human behavior today。 
〃Uh…oh;〃 Jessica said apologetically as she returned the camera。 〃I think we 
used all your film。〃 
〃That's okay。 I think I already got pictures of everything else I needed。〃 
After school; Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence。 I had to 
work again; and for once; I 
was glad。 Time with me obviously wasn't helping things。 Maybe time alone would 
be better。 
I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's; and then picked 
up the developed 
pictures after work。 At home; I said a brief hi to Charlie; grabbed a granola 
bar from the kitchen; and 
hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm。 
I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity。 
Ridiculously; I still half 
expected the first print to be a blank。 
When I pulled it out; I gasped aloud。 Edward looked just as beautiful as he 
did in real life; staring at me 
out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days。 It was 
almost uncanny that anyone 
could look so so beyond description。 No thousand words could equal this 
picture。 
I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once; and then laid three of 
them out on the bed side by 
side。 
The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen; his warm eyes touched with 
tolerant amusement。 The 
second was Edward and Charlie; watching ESPN。 The difference in Edward's 
expression was severe。 
His eyes were careful here; reserved。 Still breathtakingly beautiful; but his 
face was colder; more like a 
sculpture; less alive。 
The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side。 
Edward's face was the 
same as the last; cold and statue…like。 But that wasn't the most troubling 
part of this photograph。 The 
contrast between the two of us was painful。 He looked like a god。 I looked 
very average; even for a 
human; almost shamefully plain。 I flipped the picture over with a feeling of 
disgust。 
Instead of doing my homework; I stayed up to put my pictures into the album。 
With a ballpoint pen I 
scrawled captions under all the pictures; the names and the dates。 I got to 
the picture of Edward and me; 
and; without looking at it too long; I folded it in half and stuck it under 
the metal tab; Edward…side up。 
When I was done; I stuf

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